This one isn't a joke.
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Earlier today I was given a 7 day suspension from Reddit for calling a misogynist a dumbass.
This is not the first time I've been suspended for something absurd. Last year I was given 3 days for telling a spammer to print out their spam and shove it up their ass.
I've been the target of death threats and all manner of harassment in my 7 years being a moderator. This happens whether I am polite or an asshole. I've experimented. It doesn't make a difference. Reddit, Inc has never cared about any of that as much as they apparently care about... I don't actually know. Their priorities make zero sense to me.
At one point last year Reddit's head of community sent me a page long PM, chastising me for being too mean because they kept getting reports about me. I asked for examples. Every single example was a spammer - not a person, a spammer. One example, I told some uppity yoga cunt who had just got done blasting links to her YouTube channel to half the subs I moderate to fuck off - because she threatened to have me prosecuted for discrimination for the ban. He really didn't like that one.
He didn't have anything to say when I wanted to know why a mod telling a spammer to fuck off was a bigger deal to him than the countless people who have sent hateful, threatening messages to me. Of course he didn't, he's a fucking muppet. Despite their PR, I think these people all know that the way they're running Reddit is trash.
Anyway, that's not the real point.
When I got the notification and saw how fucking stupid it was, I was angry about it. I was having lunch with my son at the time, and as I was trying to write an appeal, he dropped some food on his pants because he wasn't paying attention - something my wife and I have been harping on him about for months. I lost my temper and yelled at him for not paying attention and making me clean up his mess. There is nothing that hurts me more than seeing my boy get upset and knowing that it's my fault. So I am where I am now.
This has forced me to confront the fact that I have been lying to myself for a long time. Lie Number 1 is that Reddit is not making my life worse. But it is. The only thing that having Reddit in my life does is make me annoyed. Lie Number 2 is that this has not been affecting other people, but I know now that it has - it can't not.
I've been brooding about this for a few hours. WeaponizedSleep has been trying to convince me to svunt for years. Today, my body is ready.
ZBGBs suggested that I try taking the suspension as a time out, to take a break, see how it makes me feel to unplug from Reddit for a while. I'm not sure why, but for the first time I saw, clearly, that no amount of temporary unplugging is going to help. Because the things that make me angry on Reddit are never-ending. They aren't going to stop, ever, because the problem is Reddit.
I think it's more accurate to say that I've been brooding about this since we shut Fittit down to protest a fucking child rape apologist being hired as a Reddit admin and given access to millions of teenagers. There has never been a clearer sign that the things I want Reddit, Inc to do correctly are things they are always going to be too stupid to do correctly. That is only a small piece of the pie, though.
I started down this road almost 7 years ago when I was invited to moderate Fittit. I've put a lot of time and effort into making it a better, more useful place to get fitness information. I think I succeeded. But as time has gone on, more and more I've realized that the kind of person who comes to Reddit asking for fitness information doesn't want what I want to give them, which is fitness information. They want sympathy, they want a personal trainer and dietician except free, they want to LARP as scientists, they want someone to give them excuses, they want their stupid worries to be validated, they want permission to do everything, they want to be garbage to each other, they want to spread shit information because it makes them feel good.
And it's all endless. It's like the mail, Jerry. It never stops. No matter how many times anyone links to the Wiki, links to reputable resources, bans garbagepeople, gives someone everything they need to know, debunks bullshit, it doesn't matter. It's a fart in the hurricane. I had hoped that, much as we were able to turn the ship in a better direction re: SS/SL, we might be able to do the same with help vampirism. I think it's time to admit that that's a dream and a dumb one.
I once read a comment from another mod who talked about how he disabled all notifications and ignores everything, because "The only thing that comes in modmail is bullshit". That phrase has been a brain worm ever since I saw it, and it applies entirely to Reddit.
There is a part of me that says - This is what they want. They want you to give up. The people who've tried to harass you, the admins that suspended you. You're letting them win!
That stubborn part of me has kept me from doing this for longer than it should have. The epiphany I had today, that I found in the sad face of my little dude, is that all of those pieces of shit already won a long time ago. I tricked myself into thinking I wasn't losing by letting Reddit, in aggregate, make my life worse.
In some sectors of the coaching world, there is a concept called a "toleration" - It's a little thing that frustrates or annoys you, that instead of doing something about you just tolerate because it's familiar or a habit. I could write a novel about the myriad of little things that all add up to "god damnit". Even just being a regular person instead of a mod would not be enough. Come to think of it, it would probably make it worse, because then I couldn't ban and remove stupid anymore.
I keep thinking about the Wiki and what to do with it. I don't want it to be lost. It's paid for for the year, so it's going to stay up for now. Maybe that can be a thing I still do in my spare time to make the world a better place, because I really do think it does that. I don't know yet.
I have had some good times that came out of Reddit. I've made good friends, and I know that what I've done in my time here has helped a lot of people - they've told me. I won't lose those things by walking away. But ultimately Reddit is a barely mitigated shitheap and I'm finally seeing that it has no value in my life anymore.
I've never had an alt because I think it's weird, so I'm not swapping over to another account. It'd defeat the purpose anyway. Maybe I'll come back after a while and poke around the jerk or WR since they're the only two places I really like anymore. But no promises.
Take care, everyone.
