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A point of clarification: There is a difference between pursuing, having, and challenging others to have strength of will, character, and mind, and literally being Biff Tannen.
There is a model sometimes called the Force Continuum that mostly comes up when discussing uses of force by law enforcement. A self defense coach I used to train with once said that everyone has a maximum level of force they are comfortable with, and most people will consider anyone comfortable with a higher level to be an asshole or abusive, and anyone only comfortable with lower levels to be weak or cowardly. In my own experience I have found that to be pretty spot on.
I feel this is relevant to think about, because one thing I have learned from the internet is that there are people who have lost their ability to tell the difference between the above two types of person. Put another way - a duckling knows no difference between a wolf and my son, the toddler. Both are bigger and stronger, but one wants to eat him and the other just wants to give the quackie some of his Fruit Loops.
Put yet another way - A stack of baby bunnies in a hat and trench coat aping at being a fully formed person knows no difference between someone with strength, grit, and resilience, and the machomasculine bully caricature that mostly exists only in movies written by guys who probably got beat up in high school. I know this because guys who I know to be very good people get consistently called toxic bully gatekeeper macho meathead assholes on the internet the moment something they say reflects that they are not made of glass and don't think anyone else should be trying to be.
So, here is a final word - Preference for strength and disdain for weakness do not make a person a bully. Neither do expressing them, giving advice to others based on them, or writing rants in one's personal blog. Conversely, having disdain for those who are strong is not a virtue - it is simply sour grapes.
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Another point of clarification: There is a difference between curiosity and wondering about a thing, and then actually asking about it. Every question a person can think of does not need nor even deserve to be discussed, heard by others, or answered. A good life skill to develop is being judicious about which musings that bubble up uncontrollably in your skull are allowed to percolate out of your mouth (or finger-mouths).
Actual thoughts are largely beyond our control. To head off some bozos who are gonna act like I'm pretending to be Emperor Stoicism - no. Incredibly stupid questions come up in my own brain all the time, just as they do for everyone. It is the inability to recognize that a question is stupid or worthless, to let it go and carry on without asking it of others, that separates some people from others. And it is an uncontrolled need to ask some kinds of questions - and to care about the answers - that, in my opinion, is a red flag for potentially being... wimpy? Fragile? Cowardly? An L.7. Weenie? A wet blanket?
Below are some such questions.
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"Is that person taking steroids?"
If you care about the answer to this question enough to want other people to weigh in on it, there's a good chance you don't have it in you to succeed in training - unless your only training goal is "Don't do nothing", at which point I don't know why you care about anything because nothing you do matters.There is no point in knowing the answer to this. It doesn't change what you can achieve or what you need to do to achieve it. The only thing you can do with this information is tell yourself "I can't get that because I'm not steroids", which is a statement that has absolutely no value in the pursuit of success - only in the pursuit of being a sad bastard and dragging your ass.
"Should I bulk or cut?"
What you should do is be a god damn adult.You have eyeballs. You can look in the mirror, decide which kind of shit you look like and make a decision about what to do about it. There is no good reason to outsource this decision to other people. There are no crack experts in bulkorcutology. No experience is necessary to eyeball Play-Doh wearing a person suit and tell it it needs to get leaner. You do not want "the advice of veterans", you want someone else to bear the responsibility of deciding because you are a coward.
If you want to blame something other than yourself if you bulk/cut and don't like how you look at the end, dart boards and dice are very inexpensive.
"Is [thing that is not remotely like strength training at all] an ok substitute for leg day?"
No. Unless it's this:
Dear everybody: Stop trying to get out of doing strength training in an entire half of your body. It's not that bad, you are just being a baby. If you want to be a baby about training your legs, just be a baby. It's ok. Your all biceps, chest, and abs routine wasn't going to trick Tinders (or Grindrs, I don't judge) into climbing into bed with you despite the gaping holes in your personality anyway.
"What would happen if I did X but didn't do Y?"
You'll explode. Every disc in your spine and the spine of everyone in a 20 foot radius will herniate, your knees will spontaneously reverse themselves, and the Doom Slayer himself will descend into your shoulder and tear your rotator cuffs asunder. You will contract leprosy, and your ass will grow taste buds.Or nothing. Or, most likely, you'll get worse results than you could otherwise, and you already know that, so why the fuck are you asking?
This is a type of "What can I get away with?" question that's about tackling one factor well and another factor poorly. And if you dig into it with the person, the reason not to do Y is always just "I don't waaaannnnnaaaa". It's never "I can't eat vegetables because I live on a remote island in the Pacific and I have no way to acquire them" - It's always some childish shit like "vegetables are yucky and I forgot salt exists". It's never "I can't change my diet because my best friend framed me for treason and now I'm imprisoned in Chateau d'If", it's "I gave up after a day because cookies are too good to not eat whole boxes of".
"I saw somebody [doing thing], what's that about?"
Only a person doing a thing can tell you why they are doing that thing. If you really have to know - and here's a hint, you don't - ask them directly. But you won't. You will go onto the internet and ask strangers to speculate on a vague description of what you saw instead. You will tell yourself that it's because you didn't want to be rude, and that's not entirely a lie, but it's really just that you are afraid to say words at another person.This kind of question reminds me of how my son likes to run up to me and say "Daddy whayoudoon" and then run off. It is something that a toddler does out of necessity that an adult should not feel a need to do and should also know better than to be doing - and even then, my toddler asks me directly when he wants to know what I'm doing. Now, granted, he does that because toddlers just don't give a fuck. But as an adult, you should do it because you're not to be afraid of dumb shit like talking to other human beings - or simply recognize it's a question that doesn't deserve to be answered and just move on.
"How do I train to be functional? I don't want to be a fat waddling powerlifter or a gross mass monster bodybuilder."
You don't. Because that word doesn't fucking mean anything. A function is a specific action. But not to worry - based on my observations, I will answer this question for you with the most common functions that people who ask this want to perform.
- Be a smug knob on the internet: Do some strength training and some running, but deliberately never reach results above low-intermediate levels. Yoga is optional but recommended - bonus points for hot yoga.
- Accuse bigger, stronger people of having a disorder: Same as above, except you stop at mid-beginner level and deliberately never gain muscle.
- Impress unfit people: Learn a couple of basic bodyweight moves that have a skill/practice component. Do lots of unweighted pullups.
- Fantasize that you could be Batman: Do CrossFit, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and Krav Maga. Train your vertical jump.
- The mundane functions you actually perform in your everyday life: You don't need to train at all.
"Do you count the weight of the bar when you say how much you lift?"
